{"id":3011,"date":"2019-04-02T09:24:44","date_gmt":"2019-04-02T14:24:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/?p=3011"},"modified":"2019-04-02T10:05:43","modified_gmt":"2019-04-02T15:05:43","slug":"learning-to-speak-in-past-tense","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/learning-to-speak-in-past-tense\/","title":{"rendered":"Learning to speak in past tense"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"
Uncle Junior and Charlie<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Within 9 days, they were both gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My Uncle Junior had struggled with his health for a while,\nbut his passing was a surprise.  He\npassed away on March 14, 2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On March 23, 2019, my stepfather died. He got the flu on February\n1st<\/sup>, was put on life support February 7th<\/sup>, and was on\nlife support until he passed.  It was the\nkind of death we all dread. He suffered greatly until the end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These 2 men were patriarchal figures in my life. My uncle\nlived next door and was like a second father growing up. My stepfather was my\nother dad since my early 20\u2019s. That is decades worth of love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe is\u2026I mean he WAS a great man.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each time I make this mistake, the knife twists a bit deeper.\nIt\u2019s a reminder of my new truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no magic solution to cure the pain in changing \u201cpresent\u201d\nspeech to \u201cpast\u201d speech.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I noticed family members suffering the same. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each time \u201cis\u201d was changed to \u201cwas,\u201d I saw brows furrow and\neyes tear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, the foreboding \u201cwe will be\u201d. Future tense is gone,\ntoo. There is no more \u201cwe will be,\u201d or, \u201cwe are going to\u2026\u201d. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is a road block in time. Everything stops, and you find\nyourself smashing against the sucker several times a day. You stand back in shock.\nIt is invisible until \u201cwas\u201d and \u201cwere\u201d become second nature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one wants to speak this way.  These 2 men, who were always there, will no\nlonger be on the list for family gatherings.  I cannot wish things were different. It will\nnot change the truth, and it makes me angry and broken at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The price of love is the sorrow of learning to speak in past\ntense. It is the void that takes years to fill with memories. It is the piece\nof you that will never be replaced, and it is the heartache of watching the survivors\nstruggle against their new reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am still learning this new language, and I hate it. I hate\nmy loved ones must learn it. I hate it so much I want to scream out, \u201cNO!  I WILL NOT DO THIS!\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then I remind myself that the cost of loving these 2 men was\nworth it. They were spectacular people. I respected them.  I loved them. \nTheir lives added to this world, and I was so lucky they were part of\nmine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes. I will learn. Through tears, I will learn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They would want us to live in the present and learn to speak\n\u201cpast tense\u201d with poise.  They would\nencourage us to live and laugh and love. This is how to honor their memory. Though\nI cannot promise poise will always triumph, I will do my best. So far, my best\nisn\u2019t honoring them much. But, that\u2019s ok, too. \nSome lessons are harder than others and learning to speak in past tense\nis the hardest of them all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

May they rest in peace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The price of love is the sorrow of learning to speak in past tense.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3012,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3011","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3011","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3011"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3011\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3020,"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3011\/revisions\/3020"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3012"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3011"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3011"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.autumncalvert.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3011"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}