Autumn Calvert

Author: Autumn Calvert

  • 5 Life-Changing Questions

    5 Life-Changing Questions

    My husband has been through an epiphany.

    Before last year, my husband was continuously self-sabotaging.  He was grumpy and depressed. He lacked intimacy, peace and gratefulness. His overall distaste and lack of confidence seeped into every corner of his life. He was a mess.

    He had to change his mind.

    The type of change of mind I am referring to has nothing to do with deciding on a different restaurant at the last minute or taking off one shirt to wear another. This change of mind favors that of repentance. A complete change in the state of thinking and reaction.

    In November of 2016, Steve realized his fight with depression and “stinking thinking” was sucking the life’s blood out of his day, out of himself, and out of his relationships. He decided he needed help. After consulting a psychiatrist, Steve started taking Prozac.

    Immediately, I noticed a difference. All of those “old Steve” ways of thinking were beginning to vanish. Also, during this time, he came up with a series of 5 questions he began asking himself every morning. The positive shift was powerful.

    This blog is a collection of interviews I have had with my husband about his 5 questions and how they have had an impact on his life. They have led him to mindfulness and gratitude.

    Here are his 5 questions:

    Do I have food?

    Do I have shelter?

    Do I have love?

    Do I have a sense of purpose?

    Do I like myself?

    DO I HAVE FOOD? DO I HAVE SHELTER?

    These two are fairly simple. Do you have food? If the answer is “yes,” you are ahead of most people in the world. Most of us have way more than we need.  Do you have shelter? If the answer is “yes,” then you, again, are ahead of the game. Not only do we have shelter, but we have a comfortable climate controlled home, a nice warm bed, a T.V. for entertainment, dishes to put our food on, clean water, hot showers, the beverage of our choice, the meal of our choice…you get the idea. EACH ONE OF THESE THINGS IS A BLESSING. We oftentimes take this for granted. However, one look at a refugee camp or a starving and thirsty child should be enough to remind us all we live in luxury.

    Steve says, “Recognizing our blessings and being content with those blessings is the first step towards true happiness.”

    DO I HAVE LOVE?

    This is a huge question. It encompasses peace with self and others.  Steve argues, “It means I must do everything in my power to be trusting and trustworthy.”  This includes forgiveness of self and others and shedding the judgement of self and others. The way of love and peace is to not worry about the past and to not fear the future. This is a way to live completely in the moment.

    This also opens up the pathway to intimacy. Intimacy should be limited to those we trust.  Steve stated, “As we grow the circle of family and friends we trust, our love grows. We become more complete individuals.” 

    Peace and love start with the individual, not the other way around. It grows outward from inward. Love is bigger than oneself, yet it begins within oneself. 

    DO I HAVE PURPOSE?

    Steve suggested, “This question can be periodically changed up depending on what I am going through at the moment. The basic gist of the question is ‘Do I have purpose? Am I better today than I was yesterday? Am I providing a better existence for my wife and son? Are my pursuits healthy for me and for society?’”.

    There are 4 basic ways to make decisions that enable us to pursue our goals and find meaning in life:

    Is this…

    Good for me and good for others?

    Good for me and bad for others?

    Bad for me and good for others?

    Bad for me and bad for others?

    No two people are on the same path. Our own perspective is the only one we know. It is like a fingerprint: you, and only you, own it.  However, focusing on doing what is good for one’s self and good for others leads us to not kill, not steal, and not harm anyone.

    “I am still growing in this area, as with the other areas, but I find when I ask myself this simple question throughout the day, my purpose and my pathway becomes crystal clear.”  Steve also said he has found this approach to be most beneficial in the moment. He says he makes better decisions each time he asks himself this question.

    DO I LIKE MYSELF?

    This question presents itself as a challenge for most, but the general idea is this: Am I happy?  Contrary to most thinking, happiness is not an emotion. It is a state of being.  Happiness transcends situations and emotions. Steve said, “I am on the path to living in the here and now.”  True happiness is found in the here and now. It is not found in the past nor in the future. It is happening before our very eyes. All we have to do is plug into now.  Being mindful and present leaves one in a state of “blessedness.” When we feel blessed, we like ourselves. We love our life. Liking one’s self and being happy are the same idea.

    These 5 questions have made a remarkable difference in the lives of every single person Steve is around. I have seen a man, beaten and destroyed by himself and others, pick himself up off the ground, brush off his clothes, and march ahead with joy and focus. Our marriage is stronger, more intimate, and more trusting than before. His relationship with our son has grown into a blooming grove of peace, love, laughter, and listening. His relationships with his co-workers and friends is one of joy and admiration.

    Everyone hits a snag in the road. There is no way around it. Keeping in mind these 5 questions and what they represent helps us not only live a more joy-filled existence, but it also helps us regain our balance and find our feet after the bump in the road sends us flying.

  • I AM A SNOWFLAKE

    I am a snowflake.

I am not the sky.
I am not the ground.
I am frozen water 
Carved out of a cloud.

I am tender and fragile.
I am translucent and strong.
I am falling piece of time past
And a future life source for all.

As a single snowflake,
My presence still has worth,
But when those like me gather together,
A wonderland is earth.

The future for me is simple.
Again, I’ll be a drop of water.

Maybe I’ll be raging with the river
Or part of a rolling sea,
Or possibly part of a cloud again
But I will always be me.

Maybe I will help the beautiful to grow,
For this is my favorite task!
To see a life find hope in my gift
And all of their worries cast.

I am not just one thing.
I've known life in all of its stages.
I’ve seen the world and felt its pain
And written novels worth of pages.

To discount my validity is folly
Because I am part of you.
You can despise my existence or wish me away,
But I will continue to move.

I am a snowflake.

     

  • One Small Step

    About 3 weeks ago, I started film acting school. This marks the second time this year I stepped out of my comfort zone and stepped into something scary.

    The first time was a casting call by a photographer friend.  She was wanting a model to help her realize a vision.  Why would this be so frightening? It’s simple. She wanted the final image to appear as a “nude”. In other words, I was to wear very little.

    I called my husband to ask if he was cool with this, and surprisingly, he said, “Sure! Go for it!”.  Honestly, I was hoping he would be a bit more oppositional to the idea. I needed an out. He did not give me the excuse, so I courageously messaged the photographer and said I was in.

    When I say it was as if I were up in an airplane, standing at the door, parachute attached, and hearing the instructor scream, “IT”S A GO! GO!”, I am not exaggerating.

    On the way to the shoot, I turned on and turned up “Uptown Funk”. I needed the strength of some funky music. I needed funk courage.

    Amanda Campbell is one of those photographers whose work I admire greatly. She is a true artist. I had been wanting to work with her since the moment I saw her work. She is also quite the cool chick.

    I met her on location, and we dragged all of our gear down to the site. I was to position myself on a rock at the bottom of a waterfall as a wilderness goddess. It was cold. It was seriously cold. The water was ice. I was so nervous the cold barely even touched me.

    I watched her set up the equipment.

    “What in the hell have I gotten myself into? Too late to back out now! What if I’m not pretty enough? Holy cow, what have I gotten myself into?????”

    “Ok, Autumn. I’m ready when you are.” Amanda had just yelled, “ITS A GO! GO GO GO!”

    She was so cool about the whole thing.  I disrobed my nearly naked self and listened to her instruction on positioning.

    It was done. I had jumped out of the airplane. The last step was the hardest.

    Then…it happened. I was flying. I was free. The more instruction she gave, the more comfortable I was in the situation.  I enjoyed it! It was exhilarating! I found myself shocked at how comfortable I was in these cold woods with very little clothing. I truly felt free.

    The shoot did not last long. As we collected our gear and made our way back to our cars, somehow, deep inside myself, I knew this must be how it feels when you pull the cord to release the parachute. The exhilaration had turned to a calm and simple decent back to earth. It, too, was freedom. Freedom from fear. Freedom to relax. Freedom to be present and comfortable and proud.

    Of course, I expected nothing but fabulous, but when I saw the photos, I was STUNNED! She made me look and feel like a woodland goddess! She had kindly edited all of those things I did not like about my body, even to the point that my butt was like that of an avid fitness queen. I will forever love her photoshop skills.

    I did it! I stepped out of my comfort zone, did something scary, and I did not regret it!

    Three weeks ago, I found myself, again, taking off in an airplane with parachute attached and ready to be deployed.

    Film acting has always been something I found interesting. For about 5 years now, I have worked as a photographer for Hollywood Huntsville. I kept looking at all those faces I was photographing. “This could be me!” I thought.

    “No, Autumn. This cannot be you. You can’t act. Do you really want to see yourself on film? Really? You can’t…”

    On and on my excuses flew like fear flying in the face of dreams and possibility.

    “What if the parachute malfunctions? What if you make a fool of yourself? What if…? what if…?”

    Then, the question of all questions revealed itself to me as a call to action.

    “What if you succeed?”

    I began to ponder the question in depth.

    “What if you learn something about yourself? What if you learn something meaningful? What if you do this and find acting work? What if, in this experience, you find freedom?”

    I stepped on to the platform. I stepped out of the plane. I fell into the air and allowed the freedom to encapsulate me. I allowed myself to experience the path to success. The final step is difficult but necessary if you want to experience something exquisite in life. It is of utmost importance. It is not about fear. It is about courage. Courage is the path to freedom and success.  Fear is a vital element in the success formula. Without it, courage ceases to exist.

    Understanding I will find myself on this platform many times in my life, I am now aware that it does not have to be so frightening. It can be just a step. It can be just another opportunity to fly.

    Today, I am choosing to fly. Today, I post the images from the day I found myself with a choice: be courageous or be imprisoned by fear. Again, I stand on the platform of the plane with my mouse hovering over the “publish” button. As you can see, I pushed that button. I jumped out of the plane.

    It feels a whole lot better than choosing to stay in the plane with the pilot. No longer do I have to look back and say, “Why didn’t I just jump?”

    Now, I can say, “I jumped, and no matter what anyone says, it was a fantastic!”

    This is my fabulous film acting class. We all chose to jump!
    This is my fabulous film acting class. We all chose to jump!
    Image by Amanda Campbell
    Image by Amanda Campbell
  • Careful vs. Courageous

    Careful vs. Courageous

    Dear State of Alabama Legislators,

    I am a rule follower.

    I have never been arrested.  I have never had a speeding ticket.

    I am a rule follower.

    Careful is the best way to describe how I act and react to most situations.  This all changed yesterday.

    I began to notice the difference between “careful” and “courageous” in the leaders we all hold in high regard.

    Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was not a careful man. All of his movements were strategically planned and discussed with those whose values he held to be wise.  With the information he needed, and the drive for justice he held dear, he courageously ventured out into a dangerous world.  He was not careful.  He was courageous.

    Mother Teresa was not a careful woman.  She moved so powerfully into the world of poverty that we all now know her name and respect her work.  With God as her guide and her own sense of justice, she courageously marched against the cycle of poverty.  She was not careful.  She was courageous.

    Mahatma Gandhi was not a careful man.  Through non-violence, he moved powerfully against injustice.  He used his own body through fasting to demonstrate his opinion of justice for his people and religious harmony. Gandhi was not careful. He was courageous.

    Whether you agree with these people and their opinions or not, you have to admit their commitment to justice and peace was admirable.  Why is it these people found a way through the noise into our common history?

    I believe it was their drive to improve the quality of life for all who found themselves in a place of injustice.  They were not fearless.  They were courageous.  They were not careful. They were wise.

    I am a rule follower.  I am careful.  However, I have a son who needs his mother to stop being so careful and to start being courageous.

    I ask you to do the same.  Do not let your fears lead you into a place of commonplace.  Allow your inner courage to find a home in the power the people of Alabama have placed upon your shoulders.

    My son no longer needs you to be careful.  He needs you to be wise.  He needs you to seek justice. He needs you to be courageous!

    Approve the original Leni’s Law without amendment.  Allow my son to be a part of “justice for all” with his debilitating conditions. Please, do not force our family to move away from parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles and friends because he is unable to get the care he needs in the State of Alabama. Please. Do not force us to move to a new state without even knowing if this medical therapy will work for our child. Please, fight for justice for our son and the many other sons and daughters and grandsons and granddaughters in the State of Alabama.

    The time has come to stop being careful.  The time has come to be courageous.

  • Inevitable

    Inevitable

    It was inevitable.

    “Autumn, why does Asher talk so funny?”

    The little girl who spoke these words was not some stranger’s child. It wasn’t a kid from school or church. The little girl who spoke these words has my heart. She has since before she was born.

    Cristine (a.k.a Cris) and I met many years ago when my husband and I had a small group/church ministry. We became fast friends. Both of us somewhat weirdo hippies but smart, capable, and funny as hell. Yes. This was to be a lifelong friend.

    I called my friend the first of April, 2009, to tell her the big news.

    “Guess what? I’m pregnant!!”

    “Guess what? Me too!,” said Cris.

    The next 9 months resulted in nausea followed up by (or during) ravenousness hunger. Neither of us could take looking at the word “egg”, and, on one occasion, her husband emerged from the car carrying a bag of throw up. We proceeded to take out the food bar at the restaurant where we had met. Ahhh…good times.

    We delivered 4 days apart. Asher, my son, was born first. Cris brought me cookies. (I had to return that favor when she had her son.)

    As our children began to grow, no words were necessary for the differences in development. Ivey began to talk and walk and sing with ease. Asher required physical, occupational, and speech therapy. The challenges began to mount for Asher as Ivey soared. It was a bittersweet script.

    Fast forward to the day my friend proved to me that she was the wonderful person I thought her to be, and I was reminded of how important one little girl can be.

    “Autumn, why does Asher talk so funny?”

    Ivey stood before me with her inquisitive eyes. Obviously, it irritated and confused her that Asher could not speak like her.

    I had no idea what to say. As I sat, mouth agape, stunned and absolutely terrified of a 4 year old, Cris says, “Ivey. Asher and his mommy have a secret language. They only teach their language to the people they love the most.”

    My cue, “And Ivey…you are one of those whom we love the most, so I will help you learn our secret language.”

    I vowed my eternal friendship to her that day. A fantastic mommy is raising a gifted young woman to be kind, loving, and unafraid to have a big heart.

    Thank you, Cris, for loving my son. As I always say: The best way to show me your love is to love my son. Plus, you taught your child to love my son. Truly, the most precious gift I could ever receive.

    Thank you, Ivey, for being honest and just plain wonderful. I remember the world before you were born. It was boring and absolutely no fun. Then, this little sparkly girl who can do anything blasted her way in and changed everything. You and Asher made your Mommy and me smile bigger and brighter than ever.

    Yes. It was inevitable, but with a dash of love, a giant amount of wisdom, and a sprinkle of sheer goodness, I was shown something beautiful: acceptance.  This was not just your everyday, ordinary acceptance.  It was not the kind of acceptance people like to throw around to seem like they are good people.  It was real. It was true. It was beautiful.  In a world where I fight daily against the onslaught of judgmental people, that day, I was able to breathe. My son was loved exactly as he was.  No changes necessary.

    Give the gift of acceptance to someone today.  You may be the only person who will.  It might just change their life.  It may just change yours.

  • Broken People

    “You know, Autumn, the church is full of broken people.”

    I have recently had what many would call a crisis of faith. I would call it a crisis of faith in church.

    Yes. I have wondered if we are just a group of people who drank the Kool-Aide. I have wondered if we are just a group of people whom clan together for social experiences. I have wondered if there was a God. I have wondered if Jesus was the Son of God. The depths of my wondering have astounded even me.

    I am frustrated with church to the point of quitting altogether.

    I have spent the entirety of my life inside of the church. Time after time, I have been in church just to hear the hushed tones of people splattering other people’s reputation on the church steeple. I have watched as people have taken the cross of Christ to impale those who don’t agree with their interpretations of the gospel. I watch the plastered smiles and the insincere blessings of “God’s people” scattered like dead seeds. Every single church I have ever been in, this is the unwritten gospel: do unto others as you would have them do unto you…except when (insert desired situation).

    The church is full of broken people.

    Each time I begin to voice my frustrations, well-intentioned people say this to me. I never quite understood my discontent with the statement. It unnerved me.   Why do I start wiggling in my shoes each time I hear this?  Because…

    TOGETHER, WE SHOULD BE WHOLE.

    That is why. Together, we should be whole. Too many times, my voice is not heard. It is placated with patronizing comments or looks of shock. I do not want to be soothed. I do not want to shock. I want to find truth. I want to speak truth. I want people to be decent human beings. I want people to stop acting like assholes.

    If Jesus is truth, and we are his body, together, we should be whole.

    Guess what that means.

    It means the academics and the mentally challenged should find ways to connect. It means the rich and the poor are not unequal. It means the geeks and the jocks would enjoy and embrace their differences.  It means church would look far less like high school and much more like heaven.

    It means accepting the fact that your take on scripture might just be wrong. It means realizing that no one truly can ever know the truth until they are dead.  It means we stop trying to scare people into loving Jesus and start loving them.

    It means using your gifts to help others. It means allowing others to use their gifts to help you.

    It means studying the old way of “doing” church and gutting it to the bone. It means we look less on the numbers and more on the healing done around us. It means we quit worshipping the God of money, people, time, legacy, power, lust, and all else human. It means we should be set apart…not a political party.

    If the church is of God, where are the fruits?

    For centuries, people have done horrors to others in God’s name. Today, though there may not be blood involved, it still is.

    Why am I in a spiritual crisis?

    Because I don’t believe anyone else believes it either.

    If we did, we would stop using the excuse that the church is made up of broken people and start trying to be whole.

    If you find yourself disagreeing with me, that’s ok. Ask Jesus. He has been begging us to see this since way before he departed.

    He thought it was important, so why don’t we?

    Well…

    Jesus is only important when he fits into our own preconceived notions of who he is. Jesus is only important when we say he is.

    If we really believed him, we would already be whole.

    If we really believed him, we would not be such assholes.

    If we really believed him, the world, as we know it, would crumble.

    If we really believed him, we would be so bright that the world would want to extinguish the light.

    If we really believed him, we would see that when Jesus said, “The Kingdom of God is at hand,” he meant it. He meant that WE are capable of doing this.

    If we really believed, nothing could separate us from one another.

    If we really believed, we would be whole.

    But…nobody really does believe.

    I want to believe. I do. I want to see something different than what the world has shown me. I want to act differently than what the world has taught me.  I am broken. I know, but I want to believe that somehow, we can find wholeness in all this mess we call life.

    I want to believe that the church is much more than another sanctuary built for us to worship human brokenness.

    “You know, Autumn, the church is full of broken people.”

    Yes. It is. I am one of them. You are, too.

    However, Jesus says that together, we can be whole!

    Are we going to choose believe him or keep going on our merry way?

    Imagine what the church would look like if we really believed.

    That, my friends, is Jesus.