We always had a Christmas program. Every year, our children’s choir director, Ms. Mary Evelyn, would bestow upon us our musical. Somehow, I always ended up being Mary. I was ok with that because Mary always had a solo. Of course she did! She WAS the mother of Christ.
We rehearsed and rehearsed the musical until we had it down pat. It was fun and exciting every year. This was the beginning of my life–long passion for music. I have never completely stopped playing music. When I found out I was pregnant, a new dream began…the dream of having a child who would do these same things.
TODAY IS NOT YESTERDAY
Today, our church had the children’s choir sing. I sat and watched the children of our church sing and speak lines they had memorized. They did a fantastic job. But, as I sat there, my heart felt sadness I could not stop. It was running water of sadness that enveloped my whole being: my son was not part of this choir. I realized: My dreams of parenthood were completely squashed. Totally torn down the bone, and then, the bones of these dreams were pulverized. My son could not ever do what those kids did today. He cannot stand in one place, he tries to sing, but without words, he has no guideline, he cannot memorize parts, etc. He just cannot do this.
As most of you know, Asher is autistic. Amongst his myriad of autistic behavior, the most prevalent is his inability to speak. People ask, “Is he non-verbal?” No. He is verbal all right. You just cannot understand one word coming out of his mouth. He tries, though. He works so damn hard. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone work so hard for something in my life.
Our friends’ son walked to the microphone and sang his solo perfectly. I tensed.
“WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO MY CHILD?”, I asked God in an angry tone. What I felt in my spirit was frightening.
“Autumn, dear, I believe you meant to say, ‘Why did you do this to ME?’”
My entire being was silenced.
A FAMILY AFFAIR
Autism, as I always say, is a disorder the whole family experiences. In this case, Asher would have been absolutely miserable in the children’s choir. The way he feels things, sees things, hears things, smells things is on high alert at all times. Though my heart would soar if I could get him involved, he would be miserable.
LIFE OR DEATH?
What happens when dreams die? I pondered this throughout the rest of the morning. It seems to me Jesus told us what happens when dreams die.
New dreams are born.
Dreams, you didn’t even know you had because they were hidden by all the fluff, are resurrected. They are deeper and far more meaningful.
After church, as I was talking with someone when I heard, “MAMA!”. I turned around to the brightest smile connected to the greatest heart I have ever known: My little boy. I picked him up and wrapped him in my arms. As he hugged me back, the agony of the death of my dream was gone.
When you are a parent of a child who has challenges (and lets face it, who is COMPLETELY different from their peers) you watch your dreams die often. In that death you find it fertilizes new dreams. Our new dreams are of our children thriving inside of their challenges and facing their fears and conquering them.
I watch my child fight his battles everyday. Sometimes, he wins. Other times, he does not. His biggest worry is not whether he has his parts memorized or whether he has his lyrics down. No. He worries he cannot get his point across. He worries if he has made someone mad or sad. As I said, he has a great heart.
NO MORE SAD TEARS
My time of tears and sadness are over. I will, again, grieve the death of my dreams. It will happen. I am not perfect. I will, again, be reminded of the new birth of new dreams. Dreams bigger and brighter than any of the other dreams I previously grieved. Why are they bigger and brighter?
Because…I see God’s love every time I look into the big blue eyes of my baby. God adores me. God ADORES him.
My son is my dream. He embodies love and kindness. This is a dream come true. This dream is life. This dream can cause real change in this groaning world.
Even though my little boy will never be “normal” (whatever that is), God says to him,
“COME AND DANCE AND PLAY! Let ALL the children come to me! And, Asher, show me that booty dance! I love that dance!”
When my dreams have died, God’s dreams have just begun. No matter what roadblocks are put in front of my boy, God says,
“You are MINE, little boy. NO ONE can separate you from me. You just be you…this is all I ask. I made you perfectly imperfect. You have a purpose, and that purpose is to love me and love everyone else.”
In all the productions and chaos and pride and societal norms and rules and regulations and fake and falsehoods and bullying and fighting, God whispers to me,
“None of that is real. If you want to see “real”, look at your son. He is mine, and through him, I shine.”
My feet hit the floor. I concentrate on the way my weight shifts on the bottom of my feet. This is my only focus…besides counting my breaths.
I have a severe anxiety disorder and a child who has been diagnosed with a global developmental delay. This diagnosis will likely be changed to the autism spectrum soon. He is mainly non-verbal. He loves to run from us in any type of social environment (elopement), and he has to be carefully watched so as to not injure himself when he has meltdowns. These meltdowns generally end with an injured parent (namely me). We call them “atomic meltdowns”. The grade of meltdown is discussed between my husband and me, and it generally ends with us trying to come up with a way to help our son deal with his emotions in a more appropriate way.
I have learned to remain strong and calm in the storms. Walking meditation happens daily for me. Actually, several times a day. I believe I may have conditioned my floor to the metronome of my silence.
I walk. I breathe. I count.
I am not angry with my son. I am helpless. All of the therapy in the world cannot heal the shattered heart a mother feels when her child cannot control himself. At times, my son will desperately try to communicate, and I cannot comprehend his meaning. He will get mad at a toy and bang his head repeatedly on the floor. He lashes out with his fists and nails and leaves me bleeding and injured. My heart will never be the same from all of the shattering. Thank God for mama’s rescuers: God, a family who loves me, and meds.
I walk. I breathe. I count.
I hope…
The more I walk down this road, my compassion sometimes wanes, but more often than not, it surprises me at how strong love dictates my actions. I tell my son daily, “If I could pick one kid in the whole wide world to be my kid, I would pick you every time.” Why? He is my son. I see generations of my loved ones in his eyes. I see him, too…so beautiful and wonderful. Intellect beyond my own lives inside of his ever-thinking mind. Though not with grace, he tackles his life daily with the courage of a lion. This journey leads to somewhere. Nevertheless, the end is not the goal. The present is the goal. I try my best every second.
I walk. I breathe. I count. I hope.
I learn…
How could I have known my son would be my teacher? I love him with the heart of a mother, the mind of a therapist, and the spirit of one who knows love can conquer all. And when I feel like a failure, I learn that perfection is not what my son expects of me. He knows I love him. This truth is all that matters.
I walk. I breathe. I count. I hope. I learn.
I pray…
I will always adore the precious gift God felt inspired to present to me. I accept the gift in full and with great appreciation and joy. He brought bright sunshine into my life the day my son was born. Sometimes, though, I fight with God. I sense He does understand how wounded I feel for my son. I hurt when he hurts. Day in and day out, the small details are where I find the achievements. No grand illusions of major milestones being accomplished on time. The only the assurance is that growth will continue… no matter how small the steps. I pray. I fight with God. I thank God for letting me feel safe in my honesty.
I walk. I breathe. I count. I hope. I learn. I pray.
I realize…
It is not about the victory. It is the character, humility, and love I show during life’s brisk winds.
I walk. I breathe. I count. I hope. I learn. I pray. I realize.
I embrace…
I wrap my arms around the whole situation: Asher’s meltdowns, my fear of failure, the anxiety of everyone, and the joy in the midst of it all. I give it all a giant hug, and let it go. I set my eyes on the moment. It is all I am given.
I stop.
I walk back into the room with my son. He comes to me and signs “tickle”. He giggles and smiles. He reaches out to grab my face for kisses. He wraps his arms around me as if to remind me: You are my safe place. He does his silly dancing. He loves family hugs. He loves his trains. He is excited about everything, even doing dull household chores. He struggles to make the sound “Oreo” to get his favorite cookie, and is all smiles as he demolishes it. It’s perfect. The light from my son is almost blinding.
So…
No matter how many times I have to walk the floor, my son is MY BEAUTIFUL. He is my sunshine. How proud I am to be his mother!
Recently, I got the urge to look back through the photos taken of my son throughout his 3 years. It was interesting to me that not only was I watching my son grow up, but I was also watching my photography skills refine. When I first started taking photos, it was for the soul purpose of capturing my son’s moments in time. However, because I am a Type-A personality, I could not just pick up the camera and go. I began searching the internet for any and everything I could learn about photography techniques and about editing software. Little did I know that once I learned one thing, I wanted to learn another, then another, and then yet another. For 3 years now, this has been my life. But, when I look back at those first photos, I find myself wishing someone had a list of things for me to consider. Some of those first photos are beautiful, but I missed out on so much because I just didn’t know any better. It was then I decided to help out new parents and new to photography parents with a list to help you get “Snappy Snapshots” of your kids. SO, here we go!
1. TURN OFF THE FLASH!
No matter whether you have a basic digital camera or a more expensive DSLR, learn to use the light to your advantage and do not use the flash. On-camera flashes (the ones that pop up or go off at will) add an ugly hue to your photos and do weird things to your eyes. Learning to use your available light will INSTANTLY make your photos better. WARNING: Learning to use available light is an area of study that will take you years to master. Even then, there are new things to learn about light. I will touch on this subject later. For now, though, TURN OFF YOUR FLASH!! 😉 (For advanced photographers, this does not include bouncing flash 😉 )
If I had used a flash with this, it would not have been nearly as inviting. Ain’t he a doll 😉
2. TAKE TONS OF PHOTOS!
If you think taking 4 or 5 images is taking a lot of photos, let me ask you to consider taking 200-300. I know, this sounds crazy, but the only way to get those pictures you see on facebook that make you go, “Awwww” is by taking enough to catch the shot. I have been photographing kids for 3 years now, and I am amazed at the number of expressions I will get in a 10 second period of time! Take more pictures that you thought you should, and stop taking pictures when your kid is tired of the current activity.
We were just hanging out in our jammies while he played with a container.
3. PREPARE! PREPARE!!
Seriously…PREPARE! Not only should your batteries be charged, your cards empty and ready to go, and your location scouted out, but prepare your child! If your child is an infant or toddler, you know those times of the day when they are just NOT in their “happy place”. NEVER plan a shoot during those times unless you want punishment! It’s not fun for them, and you will not want to pull your camera out again for a long time. Pick a time of the day when everyone is happy! Make sure the kid is fully fed and rested. Then again, if you DO decide to take that picture because your schedule includes taking a boat ride during nap time, you can always smile when looking back at a photo like the one below. 🙂
Yes. It was that loud.
4. GET CLOSER!
Not always, but pick a session to get up really close you your child’s face. Detail their eyes, hands, feet, ears, and eye lashes. When taking these photos, make sure you are at eye level or just above eye level. If photographing a baby, it is very easy to take the “up the nose” shot. One way to alleviate this tendency is to remember: Eye level or a bit above. Sit on the floor…kneel…whatever you have to do to get on their level. If you are a new parent, you will be AMAZED at how much your child changes. Years down the road, you will look back at these photos and smile.
I love this up close because you can see the few little teeth he had. So sweet!
6. GET CLOSER ANYWAY!
We NEED those photos that show how much they have grown. But taking a photo of your child in a room can be a tricky endeavor. Make sure you get all of the child in the picture, but it isn’t always great to get the rest of the room in the picture. What happens to most parents when taking their child’s photo is that they end up with a “Where’s Waldo” photo. “Can you find little Johnny in this picture?” One way to combat this is…wait for it…here it comes….GET CLOSER! A trick we photographers use, and almost all visual artists use, is the rule of thirds. Imagine, while looking through the camera viewfinder, a tic tac toe board on what you see. Though most have the first instinct to put the main character of the picture smack dab in the middle, resist the urge and venture out! Put little Johnny in the lower left corner! Try off to the side a bit, or in the upper corner where the lines meet. Play with this! You can find LOTS of information on the web about the rule of thirds. You will thank me later. 🙂
Positioning your subject through your viewfinder can do great things for a photograph!
6. CHOSE A GREAT LOCATION!
There are several factors to consider when choosing a great location, but the two most important are light and background. If shooting inside, pick a room with a south facing window. ***NOTE: ALWAYS try to avoid harsh bright light!** Photographers Trick: Look at your child’s eyes. A reflection of the light will show on their eyes. This is extremely helpful when picking a good location. You want this “Catch Light” to be on their iris and maybe touching the pupil…NOT covering the entire pupil. 2:00 or 10:00 position is optimal. Sometimes you have to click off a few shots to make sure you have it just right. Don’t stress yourself over the catch light, though. Just make sure it is there. When you to this, not only do you catch that “sparkle” in the eyes, but you help yourself to some nice light.
My baby doll. Check out the catch lights in his eyes. They are not perfect, but it sets off the whole image beautifully! I just sat him in front of a window!
Choosing a location background does not have to be that hard. When I first started out, I threw a white sheet over the back of the couch and laid my son on the couch. Of course, it was in front of a south facing window. I was just learning to play with light, and I was tickled pink when I saw the photos! However, there have been so many times I have taken a photo and thought, “This would have been PERFECT if I had just moved his (insert item: toy, dirty bowl, etc.)”. When shooting outside, watch out for tree branches. They will make your child look like he/she has antlers or some sort of tree or light pole or electrical wire growing out of their head. Take a second and consider the scene! AND…As always, consider the light! Outside expecially!! Avoid harsh light, and instead, move into a shaded area. BE AWARE of hot spots. Hot spots are those little harsh light places that flow through the trees. One way to make yourself really mad is to get this great picture of your kid, look at it, and then realize the “hot spots” made he/she look like they are polka dotted. Even light. Just think….EVEN LIGHT!
With no fancy camera or no fancy lens, I managed to capture this beautiful photo of my sweet little boy.
Being that I am a photographer, I positioned my son’s bed in his room in the best place I could find for light. This is what happened: I go to get him up from a nap with my trusty camera at my side, and, SNAP! I adore this photo. And, did I say I was Type-A yet? 😉
**One more trick: Use a reflector. You can cover a piece of cardboard with aluminum foil or just buy a white piece of foam board. This is a more advanced technique, but you can use said reflector to “Bounce” light back on to your subject. Just a fun little thing to try if you are interested.
7. FAMILY GATHERING: MISSION IMPOSSIBLE?
No! Difficult? Yes. When it is just you and your child, you can, somewhat, control the variables. But when you are at a family gathering with Aunt Lulu, Uncle Harvey, Cousin Alice, etc., and you want to capture the scene, everyone is doing whatever THEY want. My best advice in this situation is to scout out a good source of light in the room and hang out around there. When Uncle Harvey makes his way into this light, shoot it. If Aunt Lulu wants her picture taken with little Johnny, say, “AWESOME! Come and sit RIGHT HERE!”. Now a’days at my family gatherings, people know what I do and they listen (or run…lol!). The main thing is to have fun, but keep in mind that good pictures require good light. Nest near the good light! If you have older kids, you have more freedom to do some surveillance. Go around, outside and in, and find your friends or relatives who are in good light and shoot it! Understand that these photos may not be the best of the best, but they can be SUBSTANTIALLY better than they were in years past! Embrace the imperfect!
My son and a few of his cousins.My son, nephew, and my mom
8. PLAY! PLAY! PLAY!
No matter what type of scene you find yourself in, PLAY! Stay light-hearted and fun! SMILE! When taking photos of your child, play! There are times your kid is NOT going to want to cooperate with where you want them to sit or stand. That is totally cool! Let ‘um go! Just follow, and when they do manage to stop in good light, SHOOT IT! The very last thing you want (trust me) is for your kid to frown and pout when you pick up your camera. Fortunately, I started out making “Camera time” fun for my son. Now, it is just another fun activity we do! It is equivalent to going to the park, coloring time, TV time, etc. It is just something we do that is fun! Create this for your kids! Show them the photos! Get them involved! It can be a really special experience. Not just because you have these beautiful photos to remember how amazing your child was, but because you are creating these great memories of the experience. One of the reasons I love the photos of my son so much is because I remember the events surrounding the capturing of the photo. I cherish those memories, and you will, too!
Sometimes you just have to catch them mid stride. I sat in one place in the middle of the yard and snapped the shot when he was in good light.We have FUN taking pictures!
9. KNOW YOUR EQUIPMENT and PRACTICE!
Read the owner’s manual. Seriously. Learn the camera, and know it so well you can do whatever you need to do FAST. I have learned my camera so well that I can change settings without looking half the time. When I do look, I change them FAST. I read the manual. And I practiced, practiced, practiced! Take out your camera and look at all the buttons and learn what they do. You can have a point-and-shoot or a fancy pants DSLR, but either way, you need to learn how it works. I have taken, literally, thousands and thousands of photos. You need to do the same if you want snappy snapshots of your kids. Depending on how good you want to become is dependent on how much you want to control your camera. You do not have to know everything about how to control the settings of your camera, though. There are many “modes” that allow you to control it as little or as much as you want. WARNING: being in complete control of your camera requires an enormous amount of learning and trial and error. Learning these things does not happen overnight. I am still learning the intricacies of control. I am certain I will never stop learning.
Deep Thinking. This is a direct result of me knowing my camera and catching the moment.
10. GET A DECENT EDITING SOFTWARE, AND USE IT SPARINGLY!
One MAJOR mistake most photographers make (and I have been guilty) is overdoing it on the editing. So, as I go through this tip, keep in mind that editing is as much of an art as taking a photo is.
SO…pick out a good editing software. I use Adobe Lightroom and Adobe Photoshop 6. Lightroom is about $200. It is somewhat easy to learn the basics, and you can find some nice presets for the software. A preset are predesigned effects for images. You can find hundreds of different colors and black and white presets for lightroom.
Photoshop Elements is a great starter editing software. It is relatively inexpensive (I think it is about $99 or so). And, as far as actions go (which are sort of like presets for Lightroom), you can download TONS of free ones online. The Coffee Shop Bloghas some very tasteful editing actions free. She is also a great instructor.
However, I will warn you, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS ENHANCE THE LIGHT AND COLOR! You don’t have to get all fancy dancy with this. **Warning: DO NOT over saturate your colors. I see photographers out there who charge people good hard earned money, and the pictures are so over saturated that the subject looks like an Oopa-Loompa standing in a Willie Wonka field that was rained on with crack: all orange and gross, and the background is, well…neon. Please, use your editing software carefully. If it looks way different from the original, then question it.
This is an example I have for limited editing. All I did to this photo was to enhance the lighting and added a VERY SLIGHT bump to the colors. I can’t help my son’s eyes. They are just that blue! I know all my photog buddies think I do all this enhancement to them, but I do nothing to them. He just has some pretty peepers 🙂
I hope this has been helpful to you. Please understand that most of the skill you learn will be through trial and error. You just have to do it. A LOT! Try new things. Set yourself a goal of shooting something 2-3 times a week. Most likely, this isn’t something you will want to do as a career. However, you should be able to take beautiful photos of your child, and not have to wait until that photo shoot with a professional to see how much they have changed. Do not go canceling all your sessions with your family photographer, but do try to make good pictures of your kids during the “in-between” time.
I hope you enjoy this little Christmas gift of learning how to take snappy snapshots! May your holidays be grand, and your photos be beautiful!
If you were to have told me how difficult being a parent was before I had a baby, the thought in my head would have been, “How difficult can being a stay-at-home mom be? Really? Stop your griping and complaining!”. Yeah.
Not only is it difficult to be a stay at home mommy, but being a mommy of a child who is sick most days, and on the other days we have therapy appointments and doctors appointments and constant issues with his anger management and tantrums is far greater of a task than I could have ever imagined. Our days start and end with therapy. I am always trying to find different ways of incorporating the things he needs work on into regular play. Then there are the tantrums. Yes…every 2 year old has tantrums, but my kid has breakdowns like you would not believe. Not just a few times a day, even. ALL day. I know it is because he is trying so hard to communicate. We do a few signs, and we are learning more everyday. However, he is still learning when he needs to use them. It is an ongoing task. And, forget using the vacuum or going out to eat. Not happening if you want an enjoyable meal. As for vacuuming, I have to do that when he is with Steve somewhere else.
So, in light of these things, this little story added a very bright light to a very dismal day.
Each Wednesday night, a few of the people from church come over for a Bible study. Once a month, we do a dinner. A couple of weeks ago, we did an “Asian Cuisine” night. It was divine. For dessert, we all reached into a box, grabbed a fortune cookie, and read our fortunes out loud. Actually, that in and of itself is funny: a Bible study reading fortune cookies. ANYWAY…I digress… Everyone read their cookie, we all laughed, and they started in on the study while Asher and I played in his room. After they all left, I picked up from the study, and found a couple of fortunes lying on the floor. I threw them all away.
In order for you to really understand this story, I need to tell you how often I clean the floor in my house. I sweep at least 3 times a day. Sometimes more. I straighten the house every night. I have to be very careful with Asher because he is still eating everything.
The other night, I was sitting next to him watching him with the train set. I looked away for a second, and there he stood with a little fortune cookie fortune. “Where in the world did you find this, Asher?” His response was, “Joy, joy, da da, ya ya, ba ba”.
“Ok, ” I said, “lets read this”. It said, “Look for the dream that keeps coming back. It is your destiny” “Huh, ” I thought. “I don’t remember anyone having this fortune!”
I sat there for a second and looked at my sweet little boy. He was my dream. He definitely keeps coming back (he he he). And, I do believe deep down in my heart that I was destined to be his mother. Even with all his little quirks, tantrums, health problems, and issues, he lights up my life brighter than any sun or star. God knew he was in good hands with Steve and me. I trust that. Even though there are days I am not sure I can go on…I trust God. Asher is the perfect little boy: imperfections and all. Of all the children there ever was or ever will be, I would pick him every time. So, he is my dream and my destiny. I guess God can even use fortune cookies to lift your spirit. I love my little boy, and I am so happy God used him to remind me that what I do makes a difference.
While snuggling down into bed, I began to think of how wonderful clean sheets feel. From there, I began to count my blessings. These are the thoughts I had.
1. I am thankful for clean sheets.
2. I am thankful for a machine to make my sheets clean.
3. I am thankful for power and water to make my machine work to make my sheets clean.
4. I am thankful for good health to be able to remove the sheets and put them in the machine to make my sheets clean.
5. I am thankful I have food to keep me healthy to be able to put the sheets in the machine to make them clean.
6. I am thankful I have dishes to put my food on to make me healthy enough to make my sheets clean.
7. I am thankful I have a table to put those dishes on so I can eat and stay healthy so I can make my sheets clean.
8. I am thankful to have a roof over my head to cover the table, the dishes, and the machine to keep my sheets clean.
9. I am thankful to have a bed to sleep in so I can stay healthy and keep my sheets clean.
10. I am thankful to have a family to snuggle down with in the bed so we can all enjoy the clean sheets!
11. I am thankful my family loves each other and has good health so the laughter comes easier while we snuggle in the clean sheets.
12. More than all, I am thankful to have a Savior who is sufficient enough that even though I may not have any of those things, He will supply my every need.
After a long fun weekend, we packed up and headed to Birmingham for not so much fun. Asher was scheduled to meet with the neurosurgeon at Children’s for the first time. He was tired of being in the car, and I was nervous. I had some idea of what we would hear, but I was surprised, too.
Children’s is an awesome facility. The lay out is set for kids to feel comfortable in their surroundings. They even had clowns on hand for face painting. While I filled out paperwork, Steve and Asher walked around to check it all out. Ash even got balloons painted on his leg! If it wasn’t for all the yucky doctors, it would be a fantastic place to visit.
The neurosurgeon was a very nice man. He took a look at the MRI, studied Asher’s head, and told us the news. He saw nothing that concerned him with his MRI. Yes, the cyst was a category 1 or 2 (which is small), and yes the water around the brain was there, but the amount was not enough for any concern. Great news! However, when I asked if these things would be causing him developmental issues, he said no. It may be a genetic disorder. “WHAT?” Asher has a ridge on his forehead where his skull didn’t grow together correctly. This plus the developmental issues point to genetic problems. He called a colleague to tell him what to order for the blood tests. He also ordered an X-ray to study Asher’s skull to make sure there were no other problems.
We waited for the genetic doctor to fax over a list of possible disorders. When the fax finally arrived, there was one disorder. One disorder with a 5 page synopsis of the disorder. It is called GA-1. It is a metabolic genetic disorder which prohibits the body from turning Gluteric Acid into energy. Most of the symptoms Asher has could be explained by this. However, we will not know the outcome of the blood tests for another month. If the test comes back positive for this disorder, we will have to implement a lifestyle change that will follow him throughout his life. It could be very dangerous.
Basically, we don’t know anything. I just want them to find out what is going on with my precious fella and FIX IT!!!! I’ve spent a majority of my life putting doctors on a pedestal, but now I understand why they call medical doctors “Practitioners”. They are just really smart people who are trying to figure it out. I’m not blaming the doctors. They are doing the best they know how. I’m just impatient. I want to know what I can do to help my boy. Right now, Steve and I are fumbling through all of the medical mumbo-jumbo in hopes to help find the needle in the haystack. It has been a horrible journey. This road continues before us.
Some would be so bold to say, “Just trust the Lord”. To this I respond, “Well…of course I do!”. However, I am human. In this state of being, I am a sinner. Therefore, I generally fail more than fly. Trust in the Lord only comes from the Lord. In and of myself, I tend to be more like Job than Jesus. Just being honest here…please don’t crucify me.
I want to thank everyone for their prayers. Many of you have asked what is going on, and I am certainly willing to discuss it. To be honest, though, it is easier to write it down. Every time I talk about it, my frustration goes out the roof. I love you all. I just want my boy to be well. My heart is trying very hard to not shatter on a daily basis.
